Prayer Walk at the Church at Argyle

It was Good Friday (The Friday before Easter -- the day Jesus' death is commemorated) and I had no idea what to expect as I parked my car and walked into The Church at Argyle for a "Prayer Walk". All I knew about the Prayer Walk was what I'd read in the church's weekly bulletin -- that it was a path that was set up inside the church as a sort of spiritual journey that would recall Jesus' final days on Earth. It would be open from 4-9 on Good Friday. I was told to sign up for a time slot -- people would apparently be sent into this path in ten minute time intervals.

I was raised Catholic, and we had Stations of the Cross growing up. Anyone Catholic (or in similar denominations) probably knows what I'm talking about here. There's a lot of recited prayers, burning incense, and listening to narration about Jesus' suffering and death. From what I remember about my Catholic grade school days, it was kind of intimidating.

I wondered, as I walked into the Church at Argyle, if the Prayer Walk would be similar to Stations of the Cross. Once I was inside the atrium area of the church, I noticed soft music playing and several church volunteers milling about quietly. I signed in at the check-in table and I was told to wait a few minutes until my turn to be taken into the Prayer Walk. As I was waiting, I noticed Rev. Hal Hunter, the ministry pastor of the church. My heart did a little jump in my chest because there was so much I wanted to tell him.

Let me explain. The previous Sunday, I was in church and the pastor (Dr. Ken Dyal) was talking about forgiveness. The sermon really struck a chord with me because I had been struggling with my own anger and resentment towards my father for so long. I'll try to stick with the short version of this struggle, because it is indeed complex (as most relationships are -- especially the conflicted ones.) My parents divorced when I was in college, and the divorce was messy. I ended up getting involved, trying to help counsel and advise my parents through it. This ended up causing me a lot of emotional pain, and I began to harbor resentment towards both of my parents.

My mom and I seemed to have worked things out, but for some reason, my dad and I never could. There came a time when it seemed like the only way we could relate to one another was to get into a fight. Finally, I quit calling him... I was mentally and emotionally exhausted with it all and I was convinced that things would never get better between us. At first, not talking to him seemed like the solution I needed. I felt I was better off without the fighting, and besides, I'd given up on the idea of some sort of "fairy tale" perfect father-daughter relationship years ago. I decided that us talking occasionally on certain holidays would have to do.

But I was having nightmares at night, filled with anger and rage. I was consumed with some sort of negative feeling -- guilt or emptiness that I couldn't seem to get rid of. I couldn't even talk about my father without getting very negative and angry.

Then there were moments like I was having in church, listening to a sermon about forgiveness. I was filled with an uncomfortable feeling. I felt lost -- I knew I had to find a way to forgive my father -- but how? At the end of each church service, Pastor Ken always lets the people know that they can come up to the front if they want to talk or pray with someone. For many weeks, I'd been thinking about going up there and asking someone to pray with me about my situation, but I'd always chickened out. In the Catholic Church, going up to a priest after Mass and asking him to pray with you as you tell him about a problem in your life -- this just isn't done (at least not to my knowledge).

But this time I was desperate for help. I hung around after the service, eyeing both Pastor Ken and Rev Hunter, waiting for a chance when either one of them were not talking to a group of people. I had a little vision in my head about how it would go. I would walk up to one of them, ask them to pray with me, we'd say little prayer, I'd thank them and then I'd go on my way. Maybe somehow this prayer might help. I figured I had nothing to lose.

Finally, Rev Hunter was standing by himself. My stomach was filled with butterflies as I walked up and instinctively reached for his hands. (I'm not sure why -- maybe it's because he reached for mine first.)

Then I burst into tears. (I always laugh when I tell this part of the story.) Don't feel too sorry for me.. I consider this part kind of funny. Just like me -- I had this neat little plan in my head, and when it came down to carrying it out, things went right out of my control. I don't even know what the people around me must have thought.

Rev Hunter handled everything so well. He didn't at all seem uncomfortable with me babbling and bawling to him. He seemed confident, like he knew just what to do. He took me straight to his nearby office, handed me a tissue, comforted me, talked to me about forgiveness gave me a book about how I could forgive my father. He prayed with me, and I did feel a lot better.

The book Rev Hunter gave me was nothing short of miraculous.

This book, So You're Sayin' I'm Bitter (Doing Forgiveness God's Way) by Dr. Don Dunlap is awesome. It is slowly but surely helping me change my life. It is just what I needed. Amazing what God can do, isn't it? You come to this place where you say "I can't go another step. I just need some help right now," and then you get... just exactly what you need.

If anyone out there is going through any kind of personal struggle, I know this book can help you. Email me at outandaboutinjax@gmail.com and I will tell you where you can get it. But trust me on this, you just have to read it. I'll try to paraphrase a little of it here. Basically it says that God lets certain things happen to us in order to help us grow as a person. We need to take all the bad things that have happened to us and learn from them -- see how God is using those things in our lives for our own ultimate good. Then we have to forgive the person who offended us, just as Jesus taught us to forgive. Remember, being good to people who are good to you is easy. And being evil to those who are evil to you is easy, too but it's wrong. God wants to see how you respond to adversity. If you really want to do God's will, then when someone hurts you, you will show them only goodness and kindness. God will make sure they get the just consequences of anything they've done to you. He doesn't need your help in making sure that happens.

Since reading the book, I'd felt this huge weight being lifted off my chest. I thought of all of the good things that had been built into my character as a result of my struggles with my father. I'd developed things like toughness, resolve, independence, and a certain amount of empathy and caring for anyone I meet who is dealing with a difficult home life. I didn't need to hold onto all of this baggage and pain and resentment. I was getting divine permission to just let it go. So I did... and I felt 100% better. The nightmares and anxiety were gone. I'd emailed a copy to my twin sister and we couldn't stop talking about the book and how much it was helping the both of us.

So when I saw Rev Hunter before the Prayer Walk, I wanted to throw my arms around him and thank him. I wanted to tell him all about how much it had helped me and my family and the miracle that seemed to be going on in my once anxiety-ridden heart. But all I managed to be able to do was to thank him for the book and to tell him that it was just what I needed. I was afraid if I talked about it too much I might tear up again, and then he'd think I was a crazy person. Who am I kidding? Most people already know I'm a lunatic...

Soon it was my turn to go into the Prayer Walk. I was outfitted with a set of headphones attached to an mp3 player ( I think that's what it was). This is one of the many things I like about the Church at Argyle. They are very tech savvy. Then one of the church volunteers walked me into the worship center and sat me in a chair. I was instructed to follow the voice in the headphones. Soft music was playing through the headphones and a soothing voice told me that it would instruct me through the path and tell me when it was time to go to each station. I had a look around.

All of the chairs had been cleared out of the worship center and there were about 10 small numbered stations set up. There was a person at each station, also wearing headphones. Most of the stations consisted of a chair and a table. Each table had items on it to see and/or interact with. The lights were dim, and some lit candles were giving off a warm glow, and producing haze and a sweet smell. It gave the entire place a reverent, peaceful atmosphere. The voice told me to proceed to the next station. Things seemed to be timed almost perfectly, because as I walked slowly to the first station, each of the other prayer walkers at the other stations also filed to their next station. Everything was orderly and peaceful. I was on my own little journey and didn't have to interact with anyone else.

At the first station, I sat in a chair and looked at the coffee table set up before it. On it were pictures of things money can buy: nice cars, houses, RVs, etc. The narrator said that on the weekend before Jesus' death, he visited friends, including Mary Magdelene, who used perfume on Jesus that cost as much as a years salary. The narrator told the story of Jesus' visit with friends in remarkable detail -- I was beginning to feel transported to 2,000 years ago, like I was a witness of these final days. The narrator challenged me to consider what I spend my money on -- did it reflect who I really wanted to be?

After several minutes of reflection, I was told to proceed. Each station took about 10 minutes. Each station brought back sights and sounds from Jesus' last days on Earth and made me think about my own life and choices. At one of the stations, I was invited to write a sin on a piece of paper, and then toss it into a large tin holding some candles so that the paper could be burned. I wrote about my anger and resentment, and I felt so relieved to watch it burn away.

One of the stations had a small "campfire" (some wood, a fan, red light and flowing red fabric made to look like a fire). Surrounding it were small stumps of wood to sit on. I sat, and listened to the story of how Peter, (Jesus' best friend) denied Jesus three times. Jesus had been arrested, and his followers were scared. Some of them had gathered around a campfire to see what they could hear about Jesus' arrest and possible trial. Someone recognized Peter as a follower of Jesus and tried to point him out. Peter denied Jesus three times saying "I have no idea who He is!" The narrator went on to tell about the shame Peter probably felt later. Tears welled up in my eyes. Peter had been facing possible arrest, maybe even torture and death for following Jesus. I knew I would have done the same thing Peter did. Heck, I even get a little nervous if people think I'm too religious, and I make sure to point out that I'm really a "Bible thumper" or anything....

One of the stations was a table with big chunks of wood, and large nails, as well as wooden dice. The narrator encouraged me to touch and hold the objects. Those nails were huge. For the first time in my life, I really felt personally connected to the story of the Crucifixion. For me it had always seemed like the Crucifixion was this 2,000 year old story from a distant country that really didn't have all that much to do with me. Now I felt immersed in the scene. How painful that must have been. How much Jesus must have loved all of us to go through it...

The very last station was set up to look like an empty tomb. The narrator finished on a joyful note, reminding me that Jesus is alive today, in Heaven and in my heart. I was then instructed to leave the worship center and hand my headphones to a waiting volunteer. The volunteer took them and ushered me to a nearby room where I could be alone.

The room had a cross and some candles set up as well as some Communion. (I can't really yet get over how different Communion is here than in the Catholic Church). I was happy to be alone. I felt really emotional and I really needed this alone time. I started to cry. I can't tell you what kind of tears they were -- sort of a mix of sadness, grief, happiness, relief and gratitude. God loved me, He always had, and He'd been there all along trying to guide and comfort me. Jesus had lived out this perfect example of forgiveness (on the cross he'd forgiven the ones who crucified him). God had an unending supply of mercy and forgivness for me and all of my sins. Yet, here I had been refusing to forgive the people in my life who hurt me. What a hypocrite I'd been. Yet, now I knew I had God's help in letting all of it go. Right there, as I cried, I forgave my mother and my father and most importantly, myself.

After I left the church, I called my Dad. It was easy. I was genuinely happy to hear his voice, and I asked him how he was doing and we had a great conversation. I am hoping that this can be the beginning of healing for the both of us. I've since sent him a copy of the book and he's reading through it now. Pray for him that he will have as miraculous of an experience with the book as I did.

I know this story is pretty personal, and you might be wondering why I posted it here on a blog about parties and fun events. Here's why: I know there's someone out there going through something similar. I hope somehow this can comfort and encourage you. Wherever you are in life, whatever your situation, God can help you -- He is the answer. If you aren't going to a church, please go check one out. If you don't know what church to go to, the Church at Argyle is awesome. It has services on Sunday at 9 and 11 and has the most amazing music I've ever heard at any church. Pastor Ken has a unique way of explaining things so everyone understands and I always walk away from church feeling I've learned something new. I find myself now for the very first time in my life actually looking forward to church each week. If you were going to a church but stopped going for awhile, go back. Just trust me on this.

I never thought I'd be able to forgive my father and get a chance at a normal relationship with him. I consider what has happened to me over the past week a miracle. Miracles are real and they are worth hoping for, as long as you know where to go to look for them.